Raising an ADHD Child 
 
If this was a book on ADHD it would make sense if the first chapter was: Structure, the second chapter was: Structure, the third chapter was: Structure and so on, until about the tenth chapter or so when it would finally introduce medications, communication, etc. The reason the first several chapters would be Structure would be to emphasize the need and importance of structure.  ADHD is hereditary and chances are it is difficult as parents to create structure without specific suggestions to help.

This is why it is impotant to have a therapist and/or a psychiatrist involved.  They can look at the the specific needs of the child and family and create a structure that would work best.  It is really important to be given real-life, concrete things, to do with and for your child.  Many parents are going to need to be reminded again and again, since we get a little distractable as parents as it is. Because ADHD is so hereditary many parents may have ADHD themselves.  But remember, all of us have a little ADHD in us, meaning that we all have some of the symptoms of ADHD at times.  But if you have been diagnosed with ADHD, or even have undiagnosed ADHD, it is going to be very challenging to create the structure that your kid needs all on your own. 

So on to structure.  First things first, buy a calendar.  Find one type that youlike and buy it year after year.  make it large so it is hard to misplace, or small so you can carry it everywhere.  Most can grow with your growing needs but aren’t actually different enough to drive you crazy.   If it works for you get one that allows you to write in appointments from 8am until 9pm in 15 minute incriments and then still has a monthly over-view so you can see the week in relationship to the month.  If that doesn't appeal to you, or if you don't have things that change frequently during the day, then get one that just has each month laid out.

Start with your calendar by filling in the days you absolutely know, like your birthday, your child’s birthday and so on.  Once you have filled in all the days that you know off the top of your head, check your purse or wallet and find any business cards that have appointments on it.  This may include, for instance any appointments with your child’s therapist or psychiatrist.  You might also find something you like and add it to the calendar, like a sticker, or a fun colored paperclip.  You might even put in the calendar events from your favorite sports team or something, this is for all the dad’s out there saying, “A fun colored paperclip?!”  Some people have stickers and paperclips or something for quick reference.

 
So once you have a calendar it is important to make that a part of your life.  If you are so distractable that you have those little beeper-finders on all your easily lost things, i.e., keys, remotes, etc. then maybe you will need to add one to this too. Many people prefer PDAs or Blackberrys instead of a paper calendar and this is perfect for those that need auidable alarms and what-not.  Even if you are one of those people that say, I am NOT ADHD and I don’t need a calendar that is fine, but it is recommended for everyone.  As you start getting treatment for your child you will have more appointments and some appointments are hard to come by, like an IEP meeting at school, or an appointment with a psychiatrist.  It is important not to miss these appointments that are so necessary for your child because they take so long to reschedule.  The most important thing about using a calendar or PDA is that your child is seeing you use it and you are teaching him/her tools that they will need to be successful in life.

 
Second thing about structure make a routine at home.  Start at the beginning of the day.  What time do you and your child need to get up to get ready for the day?  Make sure that you do this everyday.  Weekends can have their own schedule if needed, but for now, we will focus on the weekdays.  Each Monday you need to get up at X time to get ready, get your child ready and get out the door to school or work. The morning should consist of your morning shower, your child’s shower if needed, breakfast and if your child is on medication, their medication.  Now before you walk out the door make sure your child has their bag and homework, it should be in the place you or they put it last night.  Grab your keys off a hook by the door, or whatever you decide to put them, your wallet/purse and go.  This may seem overly detailed but these are the things that need to be talked about to ensure success with building structure.  When you choose a location for your child's backpack, your keys and your purse/wallet, don't change it.  It is very important to keep everything the same.  Remember they are watching you and you are teaching them.

After work or when your child returns home to you make sure that the first thing you do is homework.  You may feel that you want your child to play first and do homework later, but as your child gets older you will find that he or she will likely underestimate the amount of homework they have.  This will lead to them playing for too long and not actually getting all their work done, creating stress and frustration at the end of the night.  So have them do their homework at the table or desk, with the TV off.  If your child can work with music on they might actually like some music playing in the background while they work and it might actually help them, but this is an individual thing.  Give your child a cookie and milk, or a cheese stick and water or something will help prepare them to get their work done, and remove the "I'm hungry" excuse. Now if you can, it is important to sit with them to do their homework.  You can sit for a minute or two and see how they are doing and then get up and do whatever else, but keep checking in with them to make sure that they are on track and not distracted.  If they are having a really hard time focusing have them take a break every 15 minutes or so and run around the house, or up the stairs or something.  You can even have them switch assignments and come back to the first one later.  Giving them a snack at the beginning will also give them the chance to take a break after they finish to put away the dishes that were dirtied.  Also make sure to make a note in your calendar or PDA about this to tell your child’s therapist or psychiatrist, if your child is having extreme difficulties.

With homework done, you have several choices. Either it will be time for dinner or they can go play, watch tv or something, until dinner.  Make every effort to have dinner together at the table.  This gives you a chance to talk to your child and see how they feel they are doing.  Eating dinner together may feel boring at times and if you find this to be the case, don’t feel embarrassed about it, there are only so many times can you hear about Johnny pulling Sally’s pigtails before you go stir-crazy.  But if this is the case then it is ok to start looking at planned dinner conversations.  You can ask your therapist for suggestions or search the internet for dinner conversation topics.  Sometimes it is fun to use this time to ask your child questions that you wouldn’t normally; like “Do you think the president is doing a good job right now?” or “What do you think is the best thing about the U.S.?” things that you might think would be too advanced for them, their answers might crack you up!

After homework is finished you want to take their homework or put it in their bag for them, or have them put it there themselves depending on their age.  Then place (or have them place) their bag by the front door or someplace you like that will ALWAYS be the spot for it so it will be easy to find in the morning.  Next have a nighttime routine.  Watch some tv or read a book, or something fun.  Then if your child does bathtime in the evening, have them take their bath.  Whatever time you set bedtime to be, make sure you stick to it everynight, even on the weekend.  Children 10 years-old need 10 hours of sleep, more for younger kids, less for older kids.  Make sure that their bedtime and wake time fits this.

Children with ADHD often have a hard time falling to sleep at night, so to help them it is important to find something that works for them.  Some kids find it helpful to have some music to fall asleep to.  If you can get a small clock-radio with a sleep function, this can help.  Given that they have such a hard time falling to sleep make sure their bedtime fits in with the amount of time they need to sleep and the time it takes to actually fall asleep.  They probably won't be good reporters of time so you might have to check in on them to get an accurate time. 

In the morning it may be hard to wake your child up, especially if they are taking medication to help them sleep at night.  Give yourself enough time to get them up without stressing yourself or them.  Most children like to develop some responsibility so, once they are capable, have them set their own alarm and get up on their own.  This will empower them and reduce the conflict potential in the mornings.  Have them get ready to go, shower if needed, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, or whatever the routine is that works for you.   It may help for you or them to pick out the clothes that they want to wear the next day.  Having that done, it should make things much easier in the morning.

Finding what works for you, will be the key to raising your happy, successful kid.  Using the calendar can be great for notes on what works for you.  Being able to look back after the days success and seeing what worked should be useful for both of you.  The day with your child at school or daycare should go well if you have a good team in place.  Most teachers should have experience with kids with ADHD and they might have great suggestions for you as they see what works in their classroom.  Communication between you and the teacher(s) will be a huge help.

Weekends and vacation times pose many problems because they leave so much time to be unstructured.  What you find works for you will depend on your personality and the personality of your child.  If you like hiking, hike, if you like dirt-bike riding, ride dirt bikes, just make a plan to occupy as much of the time as possible.  Remember to make notes on what worked and what didn't so you can have a list of things to look back to when you run out of ideas.

The important thing is to plan as much as possible, make things fun and enjoy your child.  This website also offers a forum for you and others to share ideas.  You might find it very useful.